To My Husband with Love

In case you haven't noticed for the past 2 months I have been a raving,crazy, maniacal woman. Getting a 95 year old house ready to sell has more than the usual challenges.  Everyday I would wake up with a new plan; 20 lists of things to do; a new stressor; a new idea; a crying or laughing jag ; a temper tantrum; an attitude of I'm never going to talk to you again; and the list goes on.  But through it all you have stood by me.  You knew it would pass once the house was sold.  You didn't just sit quietly by ,sometimes you yelled back-I deserved it !   Honestly, I think I did pretty good in handling the stress considering everything that was going on with the prep work and house sale.  And again the reason I did handle it so well was because of you-my anchor, my sounding board, my partner for life.  We had a temporary role reversal-with you being the one to constantly  stress one day at time; think positive-this too shall pass attitude and a wonderful calmness. Did I thank you ?  Sometimes, other times I just took it for granted that you would be there enduring my craziness-and you were and still are.

This idea to drive all around North America was mine-you laughed and you called me a gypsy soul. You thought it was a phase. But you knew I was serious when I started drawing routes and checking passport expiration dates !   I know you weren't crazy about this idea of mine-but you warmed to it and now have embraced it completely.  And I know that we have so many adventures and amazing magical times ahead of us.  New challenges, probably more laughing and yes probably some crying too.  But we will be together in our little home on wheels.  I couldn't do it without you baby-it wouldn't be the same.  I want you to know that and I want you and the whole world to know how much I love you...thank you for being the person you are.

“I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart) I am never without it (anywhere

I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet) I want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)” 

― E.E. Cummings

Good Bye

Just 6 more days in our sweet little house.  Closing is August 28^th-everything has gone as we prayed it would so why am I so sad and melancholy? The house looks lovely since we did everything to polish it up for the sale And it worked-it went on the market Friday night and we had 3 offers on Monday night.  We accepted an offer on Tuesday and the Home Inspector came by on Thursday; the appraiser came by the following Tuesday.  It has been like a whirlwind in my mind and in my life.  Mostly everything is gone except the coffee pot ,toaster, daily clothing and cat  and dog food.  Our garage sale was the success we prayed it would be and we ended up with only a small pickup load of things to take to Goodwill; the rest (12 boxes of can’t part with) is stored at my sisters.

Thank goodness for Ruby-she’s parked out front and after the sun goes down we head to a comfy and cozy bed inside.  We’ve been very low key living out of her for the last 3 weeks and most of the neighbors don’t even know that is where we are staying.  I’ve been keeping busy organizing and labeling inside the van and once Jim retires in December we are ready to go.

 It’s all very exciting and at the same time very sad. We've lived here for 21 years-longer than either of us have lived anywhere else.  I’m sitting in the sun room right now looking out at my roses and flowers-it’s like a tiny little park in the middle of the city.  We have scrub jays, sparrows, finches, and occasional  hawk, raccoon, squirrels and rumors of a coyote close by.I’m going to miss sitting out in the hot tub at night and looking at the stars and hearing the train sound  in the distance. 

There are so many memories we will take with us. Walking to Bakery Nouveau for hot chocolate after the first snowstorm.  Or our first 4^th of July-40 degrees and raining-we had our long johns on, bundled in rain suits, sitting under an umbrella on Alki Beach and drinking champagne !   And I’ll never forget the first time we heard the Christmas Carols from the Christmas ships docked at Alki-the beautiful sounds carried right up over the water to our front deck. (We live 4 miles away from Alki)  We could sit on our front deck during all the SeaFair celebrations in downtown West Seattle and listen to the bands rock out!  I couldn't begin to count all the beautiful sunsets we enjoyed; or waking up on a clear crisp December morning and looking out across the sound and seeing the snow on the Olympics.  The West Seattle Farmers Market; Bakery Nouveau fresh baked croissants; beautiful little things from Northwest Art and Frame; pizza down on Alki; incredible mojitos at Cactus; I could go on and on.

We've had 21 Christmas celebrations in this house; numerous Thanksgiving dinners; a memorable dinner in Provence staged on the back deck for a blogging contest I entered; or the Calcotada festival for two I decided to have after seeing on Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations ; champagne celebrations over jobs and promotions; tears cried over jobs lost.

  Pets have filled our lives with love and laughter.  Snowshoes and Olo always guarded the front deck and barked hello to everyone going by.  And then the memory of Snowshoes grabbing my brothers beautiful freshly caught salmon and running up the backyard with it-I don’t know where he thought he was going with it but he didn't get far !  And Chubs our kitty who is buried out under the mailbox where she loved to lay in the sun; Cassie and Hailey twin sisters (Rottweiler and Australian Blue Merle Shepard mixes), two of the most lovable smartest dogs we ever had.  Cooper our wolf husky mix who never made it to this house but whose ashes are sprinkled out front so he can guard the house with all the others.  I’m sure Mischa our kitty and Hailey our sweet retriever have been confused over all the activity.  Hailey looks bewildered when she comes in the house and the rooms are empty.  Mischa loves the chaise lounge on the back deck and today she discovered the heat that’s generated from the hot tub onto the cover-she’s going to miss that warm spot!

The walls have changed colors more than I have changed jobs!  Dark sage green to warm bright yellow to some version of terra cotta fresco (I thought I was living in Tuscany-what can I say) and finally to the light sage green they are now.  Oh then let’s not forget how I got obsessed with painting clouds on the kitchen ceiling.  I have no idea what possessed me to do that.  I thought it looked pretty cool when you laid down on the floor and looked up at the blue sky with puffy clouds-but how many people lay on their kitchen floor?  That phase didn’t last long-thank goodness.

My family has made living in this house more special than I ever thought it could be-all the laughter and champagne and beer and standing around the kitchen just talking-the old house will miss all of us.

And all the baking and creating that took place in that sweet little kitchen-rolling dough while gazing out at the garden-one of my favorite places to work-I will miss that terribly.  Our next place must have a view out of the kitchen window !

We were going to take the wooden Adirondack chairs and red umbrella from the front porch but somehow I feel like they belong with this house and the new owners like them so we will leave them behind.  It will be nice to think about them sitting in the chairs drinking a glass of wine and enjoying the sunset.

So many sweet memories-even the not so sweet times-my mid-life crisis when Jim and I divorced for 2 years.  Coming back to the house then was like coming back to him-where I belonged.  Good bye sweet little house, we are leaving you with two people who are going to love and care for you the way we did.

"Moving on is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard "

Dave Mustaine